41st Anniversary

Today was the 41st anniversary of the day Ken and I were married. I can hardly believe it has actually been 41 years ago. Actually, even though we are still married, still bound together by love and in spirit, my clock stopped on January 27, 2011. The past seven years just don't seem real. I am thankful for the memories, but they still make me cry. I have been struggling for several weeks now. It is so hard to live in a world surrounded by people, even family and friends, and still feel so alone. I know the Lord is always with me, but I know He understands loneliness in a world of people. I wouldn't have made it this far if the Lord had not been with me, even in my loneliness. I love Him so much! The day we got married in 1977 was quite a hectic day, and we didn't know until the last minute if everything was going to work out as planned or not. My dad and Pastor and I had taken a truck load of my things and some furniture from Arizona, where I lived and where our wedding would be, to Texas, where Ken lived and had rented a house for us to live in, a few days before our wedding. The next day Pastor and Daddy went back to Arizona, and I stayed in Seminole at Ken's parent's house so we could organize some things at our house and drive back to Kearny together. The next day after that, which was Thursday, we left Seminole heading for Kearny. The usual 11 hour drive took us about 14, I think, because we hadn't seen each other since Christmas and were so happy to be together and so excited to know we wouldn't have to be apart any more, that we just took our sweet time sight-seeing and talking and enjoying the trip. Then when we did get there we stayed up talking way into the night. So we started out already tired the next day with many things to do for the wedding on Saturday. The first thing we had to do was get our marriage license. So, we went to the County Courthouse to get it, and the Courthouse was closed! It was the day before our wedding, and the courthouse was closed! I don't remember why, but I do remember the panic. I started calling to see if the courthouse in another town in our county was open. Thankfully, it was. But we needed to pick up tuxedos and some flower vases and things for the wedding. Somehow we managed to drive the 45 minutes to the Courthouse, get our marriage license, drive 45 minutes back and get the other things done. Whew! That was close. Ken's mom and dad and grandparents and sister and her husband were driving in (the 11 hour drive) that evening. Karla and Dickie were supposed to be a bridesmaid and groomsman in the wedding. Karla, however, was pregnant and had been very sick and just gotten out of the hospital, so they weren't sure they would be able to come. But they all came anyway, just didn't tell the doctor. Ha! Then, Ken's best friend, and best man, Randy, wasn't sure he would be able to make it. He would have to quit his job working on an oil rig in Texas in order to be there. But that is exactly what he did. What a great friend! My brother, who was at basic training for the Marine Corps Reserves at Camp Pendleton, CA, wasn't sure he was going to be able to be there either. And he was another groomsman! We had specifically set the wedding for the weekend of President's Day so he would have an extra day to get home and back. Somehow, his basic training ended up being over, and he was home. Thank You, Jesus! Randy was flying in to Tucson very late that night, so Ken and my brother drove the 90 minutes there and back to pick him up. I knew I better get some rest in order to get everything done for the wedding. Back to the tuxedos, no one had tried them on since most everyone was from out of town. But, praise the Lord, they all fit just fine! Then, I had originally planned to have our wedding rehearsal on Friday night, but with Randy not sure he could come, and Karla and Dickie not sure if they could come, and my pianist and soloist living out of town and not able to come until Saturday, it just would not work out. But we had to have a rehearsal so everyone would know what to do! The only solution was to have the rehearsal on Saturday morning, the day of the wedding. We had to do away with the tradition of the groom not seeing the bride on their wedding day. It just could not be helped, and we knew God was in this marriage. No matter what Satan kept throwing at us, God was in control! So, we had rehearsal at 10 am, rehearsal lunch at a delicious Mexican food restaurant in a little town about a half an hour away at noon, then home to get ready and drive the 10 miles to the church to finish getting ready, then wedding at 4:30, followed by the reception. What a day! But what a wonderful day! What a beautiful wedding! You could feel the presence of the Lord as He blessed the beginning of our union. With all of the problems we had encountered, it was such a relief and such happiness to finally be together. And we knew it would be forever. With Jesus, we will be together forever! This was the day we started our adventure together. Many of what Ken called an adventure were like our wedding. Many things about to go wrong, but seeing God work out every one. Serving God is an adventure! A faith adventure - hoping and wanting and believing for the best without being able to see how, but knowing it will happen when God is in control! Even when things don't go the way we have planned, seeing what God will do is an adventure! I have to remind myself of that when I am feeling sad and lonely. My God is still in control, and life is still an adventure. I can't see what is ahead, but my God has me in His Hands. Thank you for the adventure of our lifetime, Ken Davis! Can't wait for the adventure of forever! I love you!

February 2 -That Final Farewell

February 2, 2011, the coldest day I ever remember physically, the coldest day I ever remember emotionally. A blizzard had hit El Paso the night before with snow and ice and below freezing temperatures. The blizzard in my heart had hit the week before when we had to make the decision to take Ken off of life support, and he went to his glorious Home with Jesus in Heaven. The thawing of the ground took much less time than the thawing of my heart. Seven years later and I still miss him so very much. Today I remember him for the wonderful person he was. I remember how much he adored his family. I remember how much he loved his friends. I remember how much he cared about and loved every person he ministered to. I remember his compassion and burden for the lost. I remember his ability to let people know how much he cared no matter their place in life. I remember his beautiful deep voice and how he loved to sing for his Lord. I remember how he enjoyed playing the guitar. I remember how he could preach the most wonderful and anointed sermons. I remember his love for being in the mountains. I remember how he loved to tell his famous "dad jokes." I remember the stories he loved to tell from his growing up years. I remember how kind he was to everyone he met. I remember how so many people loved him. I remember how much he knew the Bible and knew the answer to so many questions and where to find it in God's Word. I remember his ability to bring a calmness in the midst of chaos. I remember how he could pray and bombard heaven. I remember his gentle and quiet spirit. I remember how humble he was. I remember what a great teacher he was. I remember how he loved lighthouses and the song, "Jesus is the Lighthouse." I remember him playing his guitar and singing, "He's Alive." I remember he also loved to play and sing, and loved when I joined him in singing, "The Little Boy from the Carpenter's Shop." I remember how he loved to play ping pong. I remember how he loved Nutter Butter cookies and Dr.Pepper. I remember how he could drink a whole pot of coffee in the mornings. I remember how deeply he loved his God and always made Him number one in his life. I remember his great love for his kids and his constant prayers for them. I remember how he loved going on an adventure, whether a new route we had never taken, a new place we would visit on vacation, or a new city with new ministry opportunities. I remember so many, many more things. But today I mostly remember the last time he looked at me right before he went to meet his Savior, and will never forget the look of love in his eyes that said, "Farewell, I love you." I remember several days later on that bitterly cold day, looking at your shell of a body, and saying, "Farewell, I love you." I will ALWAYS remember how much I love you!