Valentines Day 5 Years Ago

February 14, 2011, just 11 days after our final goodbye,my first Valentine's Day without my sweet husband of almost 34 years, was a very difficult day for me. Valentine's Day had always been a special day at our house, a day when we celebrated our love for each of our children as well as each other. It had become a tradition of mine to make individual heart-shaped pizzas for all our family and to share cards and heart-shaped boxes of chocolates and flowers and just to let each other know how much we loved each other. This year, though, we tried to express our love for each other as a family, but we were all hurting, missing the father and husband we had always shared the day of love with. And I was feeling that void so much at that time. That day Peter was looking for some papers and had gone out to our truck to look in the glove compartment. While he was looking, he came across an envelope that had some directions to an address written on the outside. He opened it to see what it was and found a very special surprise. I think he wasn't sure how to let me know what he had found, so he brought it in the house to me and asked me what it was. I, of course, looked at the envelope and saw the writing and recognizing the directions, told him it was how to get to my brother's house. I didn't think much about it. I at some point, maybe even several years back, had written the directions on the envelope and stuck it in the glove compartment so we could find his house when we went there. But when I looked inside the envelope, I couldn't believe what I was looking at! I found a beautiful valentine card to me from my Ken. It was a card he had given me in the past, but it was like I had received it for the very first time. I stared at it in unbelief for a few moments!. My husband was gone, and yet I received a Valentine from my one and only valentine on Valentine's Day! Since the grief I was experiencing was so new and fresh, the card made me cry. I cried because my husband was telling me he loved me from the grave. I cried because I missed him so much. I cried because it made me mad that he wasn't there to tell me in person. It made me mad that I could not give him a valentine like I had for the past 34 years. It made me mad that Peter found the card that made me cry so much and made me mad and sad and lonely and happy all at the same time. That's how grief is. It's a roller coaster of emotions that you think you just can't stand another minute. But the Lord is there to help you through and you do make it. As I came to realize, and as I look back on that day now, I know what a special surprise blessing that card was (and still is). Do I think it was just a coincidence that Peter found my Valentine card on Valentine's Day? No, he could have been looking in that glove compartment any other day. And why did he open the envelope when it just looked like something I had scribbled some notes on? It made me realize that my Friend, Jesus, was in control of those circumstances. He knew I needed to hear how much my husband loved me that Valentine's Day when I was feeling so lost and unloved without him. He knew I needed to know that He knew how I felt and cared enough to send me that cherished Valentine card. I will never forget that first Valentine's Day five years ago when God sent me a Valentine to let me know how much He loved me, when He sent me a Valentine from my Valentine to let me know how much he loved me. What a wonderful, loving Friend I have!!

FEBRUARY 2, 2016 - SNOWSTORMS AND BLIZZARDS

Five years ago, on February 1,2011, the evening we were at the funeral home receiving condolences from many friends and family who loved my dear, sweet husband, it started snowing. Here of all places- EL Paso, TX, where it used to hardly ever snow. We had been warned that a severe storm was on its way with a hefty amount of snow possible. But what we got was way more than a severe snowstorm, it was a blizzard! I remember leaving the funeral home wondering if we would make it home. The snow was coming down so hard with the wind blowing like it usually blows in the Spring. But, it certainly wasn't spring weather. It wasn't even El Paso winter weather! And of course, El Pasoans don't know how to handle this kind of weather, and by morning everything was iced over, and the city was at a stand still. Now, I was born and raised in Arizona where I don't remember ever even seeing it snow in the town we lived in for most of my life until I was in grade school. We had a few snow flurries come down one day, and everyone was so excited to see it, our teacher let us go to the window and watch it for awhile. Consequently, living where it is warm most of the time (even down right hot at times), made me very warm-blooded, and me and snow, or even real cold, don't mix well. I do my best to stay out of it as much as I possibly can. I remember when we pastored a small church in Oklahoma, we would have some doozy snow and ice storms. One time everything was so covered with ice that it broke power lines all over, and we were without electricity for about three days. Luckily we had a fireplace to help keep us warm. Our heater was gas, but couldn't run without the electric thermostat and fan. We got our bedding and sleeping bags to keep us warm and slept by the fireplace. That was rough, but the kids thought it was great fun. And of course, in true Ken fashion, he made it into an adventure. I, however, was not having fun. I don't like the cold! We live not far (a couple of hours) from the Lincoln National Forest in New Mexico, and many times while the kids were growing up we would take a trip to play in the snow in the winter. They would be tubing down a hill, or throwing snow balls at each other, or even ice skating. And where would I be? In the car with the heater going! And they knew better than to throw a snowball at me! Makes me cold just thinking about it. We also lived in Gallup, New Mexico, for a few years working as missionary-pastors at a Native American church. They had lots of snow in the winter, as well. I loved working with our mostly Navajo friends, but I did not like the snowstorms! Just tried to stay out of it as much as possible. Now, Ken, he was a different story. He loved the snow. He loved to watch it, and play in it; and even though he would get colder than me, he still liked it, especially when he could fight our dachshund for a spot in front of the heater. He never seemed to get his hands and feet warm, though, even in El Paso. Those of you who ever shook hands with him probably remember how cold his hands always were. And one of his favorite things to do was to climb in bed and put his cold feet on me. They were always just as cold as his hands. How I would fuss at him! I would love to have those cold feet on me now! The morning after that blizzard, February 2, 2011, everything was covered in snow and ice. They were encouraging everyone to just stay indoors as travel was hazardous. Many people had no choice but to stay put, as they couldn't get out anyway. We live on the Eastside of El Paso and had decided to have the viewing at the funeral home on that side of town because many friends and co-workers from the hospital where he was chaplain were on the Eastside. We did, however, want to have his funeral at the church on the Westside where we had been associate pastors for about 11 years and where we had attended worship services for the last few years. The funeral home called us early that morning encouraging us to just have the funeral there because the freeway was icy and could be dangerous. Well, I really was not in any state of mind to be making any more decisions than I had had to already make, so the kids and I talked about it and knew Ken would want it at his church. Church had been a part of his life from the time of his birth to just days before his new birth was complete in heaven. So that settled it. We would take our chances and trust the Lord to keep us all safe. The road crews were out clearing the ice and snow, and it wasn't extremely bad by the time the limo came to pick us up. But it was cold! I think I was so numb then that I barely noticed the cold, however. I have often wondered why that blizzard had to happen when it did. Of course, we can't control the weather, but God could. Why had He allowed it? Many people could not attend the funeral because of it, including close friends and family from out of town. We were expecting a lot of people because Ken was loved by so many people that he had ministered to over the years. But it was not to be. I don't have an answer to my question, except that Ken was a very humble man who really never liked a lot of attention. And then there was the fact as I mentioned earlier, he liked snow. After the funeral, we all got back on the freeway and went back to the Eastside where he was to be buried. Even though I knew he would not be in that grave, I wanted him close to me. And one day when God says it's time, my body will be with his in that same grave. There is a comfort in knowing that. If the Lord tarries His coming until that time, we will come out of that grave together! What a wonderful thought! Did I say earlier that I didn't even feel the cold that morning? When we got out to the cemetery, the wind was blowing, and if I remember right, with the wind chill factor, it was below zero. I definitely felt it then, and it was cold! They asked us to wait in our cars until everyone got there. Since everyone had come on their own, there were a few stragglers that we were waiting on. The Pastor, funeral director, and cemetery workers, as well as a few other people were waiting outside their cars, but it was so bitterly cold that they would not be able to stand it for very long. Finally everyone was there, and I remember getting out of the car and feeling like I had never felt such a bitter cold in my life, even with my heavy coat and hood on. The family asked Ken's mom to please stay inside the car, which she did. Pastor hurried through with a few words, which I frankly don't remember a word of. All I could think of was how cold I was. This was no way to say a final goodbye to the man I had loved for some 34 years! Why Lord? I may never know, but God does, and if there is anything I have learned the past five years is that God loves me, He is always faithful, He cares about my needs, He is my Help, my Comforter, and my Strength! He is a husband to the widow, and I can ALWAYS trust Him! We purposely picked a gravesite where you can see part of the mountains surrounding El Paso. And that afternoon of February 2, they were definitely covered with snow from the blizzard. How he would have loved looking at that every day! Every time we go out to the cemetery now, we think of how much he loved the mountains, especially in the winter when there is snow. It brings back a lot of memories of fun family times enjoying nature and each other. What great memories! This year, the day after Christmas, we had a big snowstorm. Not a blizzard for us, thank God, but we did get some record snow totals. The next day when it cleared off there were snowmen in many yards. Something very rare in El Paso. Our grandkids had gone out to play in the snow and make some of those snowmen. Not me though. I stayed in the house and watched through the windows. Their Grandpa would have loved to get out there and play with them. But at least we can think about him and cherish those times when he was here. The odd thing is, even though we did not have a blizzard, Ken's home town and the region did have a huge blizzard that weekend. Our niece was expecting her first baby and was scheduled to have her Monday morning. They had heard enough warnings about the approaching blizzard that they knew they better drive the 90 miles to the hospital before the super storm hit. So off they went to wait out the storm until Monday. And a blizzard it was! People were snowed in and couldn't get out, including doctors and nurses and hospital workers. They were asking anyone who had a 4 wheel drive vehicle to help get the staff to the hospital. Consequently, even though she was scheduled to have her baby girl early that morning, it was later that evening before they could make it happen. But it finally did! So in the aftermath of a huge blizzard,on December 28, 2015, family and friends said "hello" to little Kalliope Faith Pettyjohn. In contrast, in the aftermath of a different huge blizzard years before, family and friends said "goodbye" to Kenneth Eugene Davis. A coincidence? Maybe. But I know our God is in control of everything that happens to us and to this world, and I choose to trust Him in every facet of my life,in the good and in what I would perceive as bad. HE IS IN CONTROL OF BOTH!!